Photo by Christian Buehner 

How to Be Perfect

Get some sleep

Hope for everything. Expect nothing.

Know that the desire to be perfect is probably the veiled expression of another desire—to be loved, perhaps, or not to die.

Make eye contact with a tree.

Be nice to people before they have a chance to behave badly.

Wear comfortable shoes.

If you need help, ask for it.

Expect society to be defective. Then weep when you find that is if far more defective than you imagined.

Look at that bird over there.

After dinner, wash the dishes.

Calm down.

Visit foreign countries, except those whose inhabitants have expressed a desire to kill you.

Don’t expect your children to love you, so they can, if they want to.

Sing every once in a while.

Be on time, but if you are late do not give a detailed and lengthy excuse.

Walk upstairs.

Do not practice cannibalism.

Take your phone off the hook at least twice a week.

Grow something.

Appreciate simple pleasures, such as the pleasure of chewing, the pleasure of warm water running down your back, the pleasure of a cool breeze, the pleasure of falling asleep.

If you burn your finger, put it in iced water immediately. If you bang your finger with a hammer hold your hand in the air for 20 minutes. You will be surprised by the curative powers of coldness and gravity.

Be good.

Walk down different streets

Backwards.

Stay out of jail

In later life, become a mystic.

Be honest with yourself, diplomatic with others.

Do not go crazy a lot. It’s a waste of time.

Read and reread great books.

When there’s shooting in the street, don’t go near the window.

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