NPR: The Dog Isn’t Sleeping: How to Talk with Children about Death

Cory Turner starts her recent article about talking to a child about death by taking us back to 1983 and her 7^th birthday, when she learned that her dog, Mingo, would not be coming home; and on the very same day and for the same reason, finding out Mister Hooper would not be coming back to Sesame Street.

They had both died.

Using the loss of a pet as a springboard, Cory collaborates with Rosemarie Truglio, a developmental psychologist at Sesame Workshop, to offer a good primer for adults to use when talking to children about death.

You might want to bookmark this post for the time when you need to talk to your child or grandchild about how to explain: “no… never.”

Happy Sunday, Readers! I hope you have had a decent week. 

Today I am featuring the recent Daily Stoic column on Winston Churchill’s so often quoted admonition: “Never give in. Never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty.” I am sure you have heard it before. It is even on greetings cards. 

The Daily Stoic reminds us that those few words are part of a longer Churchill statement.   

When you read what Churchill said, think about the times your ego caused you to declare, “Come hell or high water, I am not changing my mind!”  

I find it so much easier to only accept data that confirms my position (in mental model language: confirmation bias). Don’t you? 

But I am also aware that it is wise to stay open. I know that the ability to change my mind is an art that will serve me well. 

I recognize that. I try to remember it. But it’s hard, isn’t it?

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No one would ever call Winston Churchill a quitter. His whole reputation is built on his instinct to fight. He was the lone objector when appeasement toward Hitler reigned as policy in the 1930’s. He was the one strong enough to inspire the British people to hold out against the Nazi bombardment and a potential invasion until America entered the war. His personal motto was KBO…Keep Buggering On.

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What follows is Christina Torres’s article on teaching middle school in Hawaii and a response from my friend, Maritza Gerbrandy-Dahl. Like Torres, Maritza teaches middle school. And like Torres, Maritza often doesn’t know if she can continue another year.

You will laugh, sigh and bleed a little as you read Gerbandy-Dahl’s response.

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Eileen Fisher held a women’s conference in NYC recently called “Women Together: Freedom Is an Inside Job,” and I attended online. Tara Branch was one of two keynote speakers. 

Tara often uses humor to help us understand that we all are struggling in some way, and her conference talk was no exception.

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This year make yourself a priority and be your own Valentine. It won’t mean you can’t be another’s as well.

Trust me on this. Self-love is prerequisite to being able to give and receive love without strings. 

Not easy?  Maybe not. But don’t wait. Just do it. OK?

Give yourself the orchid, the box of chocolates, the bottle of wine you thought had to come from someone else to be a true Valentine gift.   

And then…

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I chipped my favorite coffee mug a while back. It really upset me since it had been a gift from a favorite friend 35 years ago. Since the cup was black I found a permanent Sharpie and used it to color the exposed bisque. Viola. I could barely see the chip!

However, the chip was located right where my lower lip hit the cup when drinking – so the permanent black ink was soon rubbed off and the flaw again stared at me every morning. Being right-handed I couldn’t reverse the cup and not see it. And I couldn’t bear throwing it away. I simply had to live with it.

With time I reacquainted myself with my cup – and now I drink out of it with pleasure. This all happened with delayed introspection. I just stumbled through the process and FINALLY realized, it was perfectly ok for my cup to be imperfect. In fact, I now view my chipped cup as charming, and I love it even more.

With my experience in mind, I enjoyed reading Omid Safi’s “The Pause” column about: mending what is broken with gold. I hope you enjoy it as well.

Illuminating the Beauty in Our Broken Places

By Omid Safi

I have a favorite coffee mug that I use every morning for making my own cup of coffee. The ritual pleases me. My own coffee, ground and brewed fresh. The aroma of the coffee that fills my home. My fingers wrapped around the cup. Soft music playing. It’s a lovely way to start my morning.

Recently my beloved cup got a chip in it. I don’t remember where the chip came from, but I look at it each time I go to drink from the cup. Thinking about the chipped cup makes me think a lot about cracks. Cracked spaces. Cracked hearts.

On Being this week features Pauline Boss, professor emeritus at the University of Minnesota. She is the author of Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss, Loving Someone Who Has Dementia, and Ambiguous Loss.

You can read the transcript or listen to Krista Tippett and Pauline on the podcast. I urge you to do one or the other. It will help you better understand yourself, and when isn’t that a good thing?

>Read Transcript

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On Being: The Myth of Closure

There is no such thing as closure. In fact, Pauline Boss says, the idea of closure leads us astray. It’s a myth we need to put aside, like the idea we’ve accepted that grief has five linear stages and we come out the other side done with it. She coined the term “ambiguous loss,” creating a new field in family therapy and psychology. She has wisdom for the complicated griefs and losses in all of our lives and for how we best approach the losses of others.