To everything there is a season, and a time and purpose under heaven; a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
— Ecclesiastes 3:1

It would take an entire book to explore how religion does or does not influence a person’s life after the death of a loved one. Some individuals maintain their faith uninterrupted; others find their faith shattered (especially an untimely death or long-suffering protracted illness); still others feel a need to redefine their faith. Some have no religious affiliation yet maintain a strong sense of spirituality and, lastly, there are others who experience neither a religious or spiritual connection.

The Golden Gate Bridge: When Living Art Becomes a Way to Die

• A higher railing was recommended for the Golden Gate Bridge, but it was overruled.
• The four main arguments against a GG bridge suicide barrier
• What is the rail height of the newly opened SF-Oakland Bay Bridge span, and how many months did it take to discuss the suicide issue?
• Was architect Donald MacDonald overruled or was the new Bay Bridge railing height his preference?
• Why should we care?

Close to 1,600 people have committed suicide off the GG Bridge since it opened in 1937. The year 2013 saw the highest number of suicides since the first man took his life three months after the bridge opened. In spite of the numbers, it has taken almost 70 years for the bridge and transportation agencies to agree to install a suicide barrier. The motion to approve funding came from the former bridge district director John Moylan – whose grandson, Sean, jumped to his death this past month.

Recently The Atlantic magazine published an article “In Grief, Try Personal Ritual” about the positive influence of private ritual for people dealing with the death of a loved one. The article’s author quotes Joan Didion from her book The Year of Magical Thinking, which is about how she survived her husband’s unexpected death from a massive heart attack. No mention is made, however, of the fact that Didion’s only child died a mere 20 months later.

Crying doesn’t mean you are weak

How often does a song remind you of your spouse—and bring you to tears? You might think this is a bad thing. You might think that if you start to cry you will never stop. You might want to change your mind.

The fade of the casserole brigade

When someone we love dies we are thrown into a state of confusion, doubt and anxiety. We don’t know who we are or how to act—now that we are no longer a spouse, sibling, parent or someone’s kid. Often the only saving grace comes from knowing that we can count on close friends to come to the rescue—if we do take a real emotional header.

And then the calls, emails and invitations taper off.

No opinion, no theory, just details

I recently did a Motion Theater Improv workshop in Big Sur with Nina Wise. It was a fascinating week. She is a fascinating woman. There were days of nothing but improvised movement until she invited us to add words on one condition:  no opinion or theory, just details.

Remembering what you didn’t experience & passing it on

No child escapes inheriting positive and negative family legacies. Some stories are openly shared from adult to child, one generation to another. Some are never told because the emotional pain is intolerable and the story becomes taboo. Even though the unmentionable event may remain undefined, later generations nonetheless live with the “fallout” of the hidden legacy. In effect, they “remember” what they didn’t experience—directly or indirectly.